What is coercive control? It isn’t new but it only became a criminal offence in 2015.  Much of it goes unreported.  It isn’t physical violence and it isn’t as visible. Nevertheless, is ruining the lives of the victims and inflicting emotional pain on their children.  It is psychological abuse that causes mental and emotional damage.  Trauma takes a toll physically as well.

Raging? Furious?  Incandescent?  Are you fuming about what has happened to you?  Are you raging at the way you have been treated by someone who was supposed to love you?  It is alright to be angry.  It is a natural reaction and it is a recognised phase in the grief curve or loss cycle as described by the Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kulber-Ross.  

How do you meet someone nice? Your soulmate  - if such a thing exists … You have come out of a long relationship.  You are bruised.  Your confidence is rock bottom.  You aren’t even sure you want to try dating again.  You might think after all, it didn’t go so well last time. It is all very well to be robustly encouraged by well-meaning (happily coupled-up) friends, to go out and meet people - join a running club/gym/study again/a cookery class/acrobatics/run a marathon etc.

Are you taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die?  Are you picking at your feelings of hurt and hatred like a scab you can’t ignore?  In the throes of insomnia do you figure out scathing put-downs?  Does the proverb “revenge is a dish best served cold “resonate with you?

Absolutely never going to share your bed, your life, your breakfast with a-another ever again?  At the risk of generalising, this is more likely to be woman’s reaction to a horrible break-up or divorce.  Men are often less averse to chucking their hats and themselves into the fray again.  Male or female, there are tried and tested strategies for regaining your joie de vivre and ensuring that you avoid the pitfalls that have made you so unhappy in love and in bed. 

Is there such a thing as an amicable split/divorce? They are a little like unicorns. We have all heard of them but who knows someone who has actually had an amicable divorce?