Done with Dating? Miserable? Disillusioned?
Done with Dating? Miserable? Disillusioned? Absolutely never going to share your bed, your life, your breakfast with a-another ever again? At the risk of generalising, this is more likely to be woman’s reaction to a horrible break-up or divorce. Men are often less averse to chucking their hats and themselves into the fray again. Male or female, there are tried and tested strategies for regaining your joie de vivre and ensuring that you avoid the pitfalls that have made you so unhappy in love and in bed.
Perhaps it is as simple as body confidence. Most women would like to change something or almost everything about themselves. The glamorous, slender 30-something with curly dark hair, yearns to be thinner, taller and almost definitely at least half a stone lighter, blonde, and doesn’t leave home without hair straighteners. The short slightly round middle-aged chap with moobs and nipples you could hang coats on doesn’t have the same body shame (though he does admit that on dating apps he claims to be taller than he is). Women worry about wobbly bits, underwear and the right amount of body hair. Why can’t we be more like men? Dolly Alderton is wonderful on the subject of men liking women – every shape, age and size. Read Dolly in the Times, Sunday 25 April 2021 “Dear Dolly: Pregnancy wasn’t kind to my body. I’m terrified my boyfriend will think I’m grotesque”. Girls stop agonising. Your character and your values are what make you loveable. Do you need help, do you need me as an active sounding-board to help you regain your confidence and self-belief?
Seriously though, both boys and girls, do you doubt that you will ever love again – or be loved? Can you trust yourself to choose a better mate this time? Have you acquired infallible wisdom or are you going to fall for the wrong sort again? Do you have a type? Are you doomed to boiled eggs/takeaways for solitary suppers, for ever?
Hollywood and social media are to blame for a lot. The average Hollywood love story ends at the altar – happily ever after. Since when? That is just the beginning. The hard work begins there. Relationships require work, dedication, generosity, forbearance, forgiveness etc. Are there a limited number of soul mates for you out there – that is if you be lucky enough to be looking in the right direction as you hurry past? Or, are many people possible soulmates if you both put in the work?
Sara Davison, The Divorce Coach, says don’t look for Mr/Mrs Right. Look for Mr/Mrs Right-Now. We can’t tell what the future holds, so concentrate on what is right for you now. Make a choice and then make it work. Ignore all the blissful, highly edited snippets of other people’s seemingly idyllic lives on social media that are causing you dreadful FOMO. You could also tastefully photograph everything you eat out and practise your selfie smile. Doesn’t necessarily mean you are living your best life. Let me help you revisit your values and needs and assess the most effective way for you to live your best life. Coaching fast tracks people from sadness and overwhelm to clarity and decisive action to live a happy and fulfilled life. Book a discovery call today and let’s get started.