Forgive, let go, or relish revenge?

Are you taking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die?  Are you picking at your feelings of hurt and hatred like a scab you can’t ignore?  In the throes of insomnia do you figure out scathing put-downs?  Does the proverb “revenge is a dish best served cold “resonate with you?

Regardless of religious or moral convictions, holding on to negative emotions is getting in the way of your progress to a happier place. Have you been advised to forgive and forget?  It is up to you whether you do – or don’t.  I recommend Janis A Spring’s book “How can I forgive you? The courage to forgive and the freedom not to”.  There several are other book choices as well.  I also recommend Barbara J Hunt’s more recent “Forgiveness made easy: the revolutionary guide to moving beyond your past and truly letting go”. I haven’t read it yet, but I have the Nobel Prize Winner, Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s book on forgiveness in my bedside pile.  I have read secular and spiritual guidance.  What you choose to do is entirely up to you.  Hopefully no well-meaning friend or relative will brow-beat you with their opinions.  Janis Spring writes that forgiveness involves remorse on the part of the person who has wronged you.  She, and others, also say that you can let the hurt go and allow yourself to heal in the absence of an apology and even in the absence of that person. What will work for you?

Reflecting and focusing on what you need for your future contentment and fulfilment is unlikely to include revengeful victory and having the last word. A negative mindset will hold you back.  That doesn’t mean your thoughts on your toxic ex will be so saintly and sanitised that they could be shared with anyone at anytime.  You are human.  Forgive yourself for negative thoughts and try not to dwell on the hurt. Coaching will support and empower you to wade out of the “slough of despond”.  It isn’t easy, but with help you can speed up your recovery and create a new life you are grateful for. Invest in your future.  You are worth it.

Write a daily gratitude list.  Include small things as well as the big things you appreciate.  We can’t focus on gratitude and resentment simultaneously.  Which space would you rather inhabit today and going forward?  Call me for a discovery call and let’s get your happy future in your sights. 

A last thought as quoted by Nelson Mandela who, without bitterness, survived 27 years of imprisonment, 18 of which were on Robben Island.  Famously he quoted the Victorian poem that gave its name to the film “Invictus” about his inspiration to spearhead the unification of Apartheid-divided South Africa with the Springbok’s path to glory in the 1995 Rugby World Cup.

“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

……. Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

……

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

……..

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.”