What is coercive control?

What is coercive control? It isn’t new but it only became a criminal offence in 2015.  Much of it goes unreported.  It isn’t physical violence and it isn’t as visible. Nevertheless, is ruining the lives of the victims and inflicting emotional pain on their children.  It is psychological abuse that causes mental and emotional damage.  Trauma takes a toll physically as well.

Coercive control is an on-going pattern of manipulation, intimidation, emotional blackmail and restriction of freedoms.  It often involves isolating the victim from their friends and loved ones.  It starts small, almost imperceptibly.  The victim might not notice initially or might convince themselves that the action that seems off, was in fact well-meant.

The abuser grinds down their victim’s confidence with humiliation, back-handed compliments, unkind remarks, and insulting comparisons to name a few tactics.  Gaslighting, where lies and facts are constantly mixed up, leaves the victim confused, feeling stupid and insecure and less and less able to make decisions.  They begin to doubt themselves and their grip on reality. The abuser Isolates his victim using various methods of control.  Ensuring the victim has no money, maybe electronic surveillance, controlling what they do and when, and with whom.

Two alarming statistics from the Office for National Statistics.

• In the year ending December 2023, the police recorded a domestic abuse offence approximately every 40 seconds (ONS, 2024).
  

• According to data from the CSEW (Crime Survey for England and Wales) only 18.9% of women who had experienced partner abuse in the last 12 months reported the abuse to the police. Office for National Statistics (ONS. 2023).

If you are experiencing any of these behaviours, please contact me.  Help and support is available. With structured support you can and you will heal.  It is terrifying to recognise your situation and think of extricating yourself.  

As a break-up and divorce coach I will treat you with empathy and understanding and enable you to find your confidence and self-belief again.  Happiness can be regained.  Strength and resilience can be relearnt.  You survived, you already have strength and reliance.  Let me help you find the path to a better life.  Reach out and take the first step to freedom.